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Ghost Rider Review (contains spoilers)

February 23, 2007

A short while ago, I posted the box office numbers for the opening weekend of Ghost Rider. Based on those numbers, I assumed Ghost Rider would actually have the potential to be a good movie. After seeing the movie for the first time last night, I learned an important lesson: Box Office numbers do not dictate quality. Something I’ve known all along, but last night was a harsh reminder.

Now, before I rip into this, let me just say that I’ve never really known anything about Ghost Rider. I know of him, but I don’t know any of the details. I have no idea how closely this movie follows the comic. However, if one of the objectives of this movie was to widen Ghost Rider’s fan base by making him appealing to those who know nothing about him, it failed miserably.

The person I blame the most for this outrageous suckfest is the writer and director, Mark Steven Johnson. The movie is filled with inconsistancies, plot holes, and a complete lack of common sense. This is right in line with Mark Steven Johnson’s track record (everyone remembers Daredevil, right? If you don’t remember or have never seen it, trust me – you’re better off). Here’s some examples of the horrible, yet easily avoidable mistakes:

1) Hey… I’m a teenage kid named Johnny Blaze that rides motorcycles and jumps through hoops of fire to entertain others at carnivals… there’s a old guy that casts the shadow of a beast from the underworld propositioning me in my tent… Sure! I’ll make a deal!

2) After being put in jail, Ghost Rider attacks a group of inmates and then escapes. No security guards show up at all. Worst jail ever.

3) I don’t understand how a fire elemental demon can defeat a water elemental
demon… especially when they’re both under water.

4) Ghost Rider’s got this thing called the Penance Stare… where he turns his victims bad deeds against them by looking in their eyes. Midway through the movie, he trys this on the son of the devil – it doesn’t work because the son of the devil has no soul. Later, the son of the devil calls 1,000 souls to inhabit his body so he can be more powerful. Ghost Rider uses his stare, Son of the Devil defeated. Clearly, the son of the devil was not thinking ahead. He was cool up until this point, but then made an entirely stupid mistake. Where’s the better writers?! He could have at least closed his eyes!! And what’s worse, the Son of the Devil wasn’t even more powerful after consuming 1,000 souls – he just looked scarier.

5) The Devil gave Ghost Rider his power. At the end of the movie, the Devil says he’s going to take it back. Ghost Rider says “No” – that’s it. Something tells me the Devil should be able to take it back anyway… but he doesn’t… he just throws a temper tantrum and disappears.

It’s stuff like this that keeps occurring throughout the movie. It becomes so distracting that it prevents you from suspending your disbelief. However, it may make you laugh every now and then, but not in the way that the movie intended.

Now on to my next topic… Nicolas Cage. Mr. Cage, why oh why did you agree to participate in such an awful screenplay? Are you a Ghost Rider fan and just did it for fun? Is your entire family dying and you need the money to pay for medical bills? Did you actually sell your soul to the devil in real life and this is the price you pay? You’re not a bad actor. You’re a very, very good actor. I don’t care what you’re excuse is as long as it’s not, “I thought this movie would artistically enhance my career.” Cause it didn’t.

Eva Mendes… If only you’re acting was as nice as your cleavage. Other than a pretty face, Eva brings nothing to the screen. A dixie cup has more depth than she does. Her character is wishy-washy, under-developed, and just about completely unnecessary. For the guys out there, at least you got something nice to look at while she’s on the screen. For the ladies, sorry – you’re out of luck. Unless you get turned on by looking at the racks of other women… that’s pretty hot.

Ghost Rider points a lot. A lot. No, seriously… A LOT! It’s driven into your skull (no pun intended) that he likes to point… A LOT!! What’s with that?!? Is that a signature Ghost Rider thing? Because from the very first time he pointed I thought to myself, “Wow… this is cheesey and over-dramatic.” And yet he kept doing it. That, and a lot of other cheesey, over-dramatic stuff. Every time Ghost Rider speaks, I felt a little bit closer to vomitting. The movie was trying way too hard to make Ghost Rider really cool and bad ass. What it actually did, was made him corny and annoying.

I will say one good thing about the movie. It did have some very cool special effects. Nothing worthy of an Academy Award nomination or anything, but still some pretty decent eye candy. The action isn’t superb by any means, but the special effects kinda make up for that… a little.

In conclusion, Ghost Rider has a horrible script, a swiss cheese plot, satisfactory special effects, an annoying hero, retarded bad guys, and an even more retarded director. On the other hand, it does have Cleavage Mendes.

1.5 out of 4 Stars.

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